Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
