So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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