I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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