Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
