Your tits are I can't wait for
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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