Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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