apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
