Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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