I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
