Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
