batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
