Your dad touched me again.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can I color on your dick again?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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