You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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