Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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