i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
