sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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