i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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