I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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