Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
