i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
