not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
