So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
