True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
