I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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