i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
