i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
