Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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