Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
