Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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