first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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