Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
