I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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