How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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