He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
