he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
