I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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