Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
