I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
its liver damage thursday
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
