Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
