Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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