Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
