when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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