it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
