but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
