Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
