when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
