hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
