tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
