Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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