I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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