drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
