What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
