she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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