Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
