Me. At least after what I've been through.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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