Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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