haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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