Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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