please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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