Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
