Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
operation harelip BJ is a go
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
