would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
