You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
