Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
