I want to have your abortion
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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