Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
