apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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