one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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