He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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