totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
