Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
