Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
