i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
