An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
