alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
whose parrot is this?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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