i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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