i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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