That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
This is the high leading the old right now
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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