I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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