Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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