you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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