my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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