Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
