he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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