So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
