My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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