my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
