When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize