I'd wear matching sweaters with you
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
birth control should be required to get into college
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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