I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drake has all the answers
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
