I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
