is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
