he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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