Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Couch. On fire.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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