Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
