She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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