You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
